Toxic Academic Validation

Many children grow up being considered academically gifted by their parents, peers, and teachers. However, as time goes on, the academic pressure, difficulty, and workload increases, causing many A* students to end up falling behind. Their craving for academic validation from parents and others is not fulfilled, leaving them feeling alone, worthless, and unimportant. This is because these kids grew up subconsciously believing that they were loved, considered important, and given attention only if they had a special talent or power. These students implemented severe perfectionistic standards to themselves, leaving them stressed, sad, and burn-out.

If this sounds like you, or someone you know, then I would like to share that I also grew up with problems similar to these. The above example was a generalisation, but this toxic want for academic validation manifests into many people through different life experiences.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to get good scores and to academically flourish. The problem is when this want for academic success stems from a negative source instead of a positive one. You wish to be an academic weapon not because it makes you happy or because it helps you be more knowledgeable, but because you fear that people around you won't love you the same or praise you the same if you don’t show that level of success. 

This is a severely damaging mindset and outlook on life to have, for it causes immense guilt and regret, leading to sadness and depression.

I am sharing some tips and helpful insights into what you can do now to facilitate yourself into a more healthy position. No matter what stage you are in your life or in your academic journey, this will at least make you feel a little better.

Love Yourself:

Always remember that you are human, that in itself proves that you are not flawless, and you don't have to be perfect in every regard. You do not have to be perfect in any regard. We just have to try to be better than you were yesterday. Some days, we will fail, other days, we will make great progress. That's okay. We were never meant to be perfect in our actions or our abilities. Give equal time to yourself, to your families, and to your friend instead of studying for hours on end. You do owe it to yourself and to others to be there for yourself and for them: that's the human code of kindness. Indulge in healthy activities that you love: reading, hiking, playing sports, exercising, cleaning and organizing your room, or just helping your loved ones. Love yourself and own yourself for who you are. Reminiscence on what you were before and how much you've grown. Correct yourself wherever you can and move on from mistakes.

 Certain tests are important and scoring well on them is essential. However, remember that the destination and the journey both are equally important. If one door closes, be grateful to Allah (God) and believe that another better one will open for you. Love yourself in all states, in success, in failure, in the night, in the day, in the past, in the present, and show kindness to yourself and to others whenever you can. Stand up for yourself and believe that having patience, gratitude, and kindness is the key to a pleasant life, not trophies, certificates, or people-pleasing.